Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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