if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
