I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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