I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
