There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
