Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
