Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
