the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
