I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
