I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
