none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
