Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

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  (631): there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby http://tfl.nu/vnsn
  Replies (13) Good night (867) Bad night (2246)
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  (328): View more from

  im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

  (1-328): View more from

  anal.

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  (328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is? (1-328): anal. http://tfl.nu/bglg
  Replies (33) Good night (5877) Bad night (1524)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

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  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
  Replies (14) Good night (4843) Bad night (978)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.

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  (219): Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal. http://tfl.nu/m4sr
  Replies (14) Good night (908) Bad night (5523)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she sounds like chewbacca in bed

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  (978): she sounds like chewbacca in bed http://tfl.nu/5g24
  Replies (32) Good night (1197) Bad night (7032)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar

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  (508): nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar http://tfl.nu/qitj
  Replies (5) Good night (4626) Bad night (664)
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  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (976) Bad night (5797)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..

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  (843): He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex.. http://tfl.nu/g01t
  Replies (17) Good night (5137) Bad night (705)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still

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  (434): At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still http://tfl.nu/1pcd
  Replies (9) Good night (1716) Bad night (3023)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.

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  (484): I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations. http://tfl.nu/uf69
  Replies (7) Good night (3267) Bad night (823)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'

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  (217): I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem' http://tfl.nu/0jvg
  Replies (22) Good night (1936) Bad night (3441)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.

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  (312): He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now. http://tfl.nu/rrnv
  Replies (3) Good night (1872) Bad night (704)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.

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  (434): Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority. http://tfl.nu/mqpz
  Replies (2) Good night (543) Bad night (409)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.

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  (425): I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis. http://tfl.nu/1o6v
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (345)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?

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  (713): I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz? http://tfl.nu/17pr
  Replies (2) Good night (212) Bad night (371)

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