I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.