dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions