miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
