i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
