you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
