i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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