Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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