I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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