9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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