I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love having hate sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
