new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
