I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
