Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
