oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
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Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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