I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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