He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
