wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
