omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize