I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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