Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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