she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
