Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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