My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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