college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
