new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
