I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
