u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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