Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
