so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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