Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
