if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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