I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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