she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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