he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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