sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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