he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
