Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
