I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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