How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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