I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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