I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
