he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
