no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sext me about skeletons
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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