where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize