apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
