worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
