The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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