this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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