I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
