Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize