I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
