So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
