you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
