For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
