her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
